Every Friday is "HELP A SISTER OUT DAY"...let's help this sister out:
I am 39 years old and I have been married for 6 years. My husband and I have a combined family, we were both previously married and have 5 children collectively. My husband is a deacon in our church and I serve on the usher's board, we both love the Lord. Our children get along well and its as if we have been together forever. This is my dilemma, my husband's ex-wife "in my opinion" doesn't know boundaries. She calls my husband even when it doesn't involve the children. At functions that requires us all to attend she hugs him and kisses him on the cheek. She is also remarried. She doesn't do this in front of her husband, she waits until he leaves the room. She calls my husband when she to share "her" life. She hardly ever speaks to me. My husband says, "they are just friends" and that she doesn't mean anything by it. I feel that I am totally being disrespected but, I don't want to seem like I'm making something out of nothing. What can I do to stop this without causing a big deal?? I don't care for this woman because I believe she is intentionally doing this. What would you do???
My Dear Sister:
ReplyDeleteI think at some point or another in relationships we have all been in a situation like this. My 1st suggestion is that you don't give this woman more power in your relationship than is necessary, actually she is powerless UNLESS you give her actions room in your marriage. Now that you have spoken with your husband and nothing has changed, it is time that you speak with her. My question is did you just tell your husband that you believe his ex-wife is behaving in an appropriate manner or have you told him how it makes you feel? If your husband's ex isnot behaving this way in front of her husband my opinion would be that she is aware that it is inappropriate.It is time that clear boundaries are set as far as the phone calls are concerned. You can simply tell her that while we appreciate the great communication that we share about the children, I would like it if you would only call regarding issues concerning them. If she becomes upset or tries to engage in verbal combat, just kindly say it's really not up for dicussion, we would just hope that you can respect that. At this point give her your number. Ask your husband to have her call your number or the house in the future and only use his cell for emergencies, this may alleviate some of the issues. When it comes to her displays of public affection, your husband has to step in, he needs to tell her it makes HIM uncomfortable and he wants it to stop, you should be present for all of these conversations. The most important thing to remember is DONOT ALLOW THIS TO CAUSE FRICTION BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, it can be fixed. Spend some time praying that your husband is able to see how this makes you feel and begins to act on your behalf. I pray that the Lord will take control of this situation and place you in an atmosphere of peace whenever you are in contact with her not only for you but, for the children's sake.
Blessings Always:
Lady Melissa E. West