" HE CHEATED...NOW WHAT"???

Over the past few days, I have spoken with a myriad of women trying to figure out what to do when a relationship with a man has gone sour. From constant arguments to infidelity, relationships are suffering and because of "LOVE", people are deciding to stay in hurtful situations or leaving situations that could possibly be fixed. Hurt comes when we have certain expectations for a situation that are not met or standards that are compromised. For the next week, I will write about relationship woes. Today let's start with infidelity. What do you do when you have found out that your mate has engaged in a relationship outside of the one that you two are involved in? Your first instinct would say to leave but, let's be realistic ladies, it makes no sense to leave, yet, still worry about what he's doing, constantly call him crying, or say that it's over unless you truly are ready to let go. Initially, it is only natural to feel betrayed but, don't just wallow in pity over it. Pray for peace, be determined to forgive, and make a decision about where this person stands as far as being in a relationship is concerned. Unless, the other woman is a relative or close friend, there is no need to lash out at her because,simply she had no commitment to you. As for your mate, there are certain things we need to find out does he even intend to stop the relationship with the other woman? Does he want to continue a relationship with you? Can this relationship be healed? Can you forgive? Let's be honest ladies, just because you "want" to be in a relationship, doesn't always mean that you should. At this point, it's time for a break, which means you take time to be by yourself and really reevaluate the relationship. If you need to cry, cry. Write down a list of pros and cons of the relationship. Write down a list of great things about yourself. Don't allow yourself to believe that he was unfaithful because of something that you did or didn't do, it had nothing to do with you. Take a serious look at the overall relationship, if infidelity is a pattern, this probably is an indication that your mate is not ready for a committed relationship and you can't force him. The best thing you can do is acknowledge this and decide whether or not you are willing to deal with this type of behavior. Keep in mind, that not only is your heart in jeopardy but, so is your physical well being. Sex kills. After spending time alone to gather yourself, to pray and ask God for direction, and to really figure out if you want to be with this person and can forgive, then you should ask what his intentions are for you and him. If his goal is to work on what you had there has to be some clear communication on what is expected. Don't just start where you left off, there has to be changes. Tell him what you want, don't just assume that he knows. You may find he is not as willing to work on rebuilding the trust you once had and that can save you both time and added heartache. If you truly aren't ready to forgive, take the time you need to do so. Explain to him that you need time, this is a great way to see if he serious about the relationship, a man that wants to be with you genuinely will do whatever it takes to fix what he has done. Take notice, if when you tell him you need time to work some things out and to make sure you are capable of handling and truly forgiving him does he use this time to "do  him". This is a tell tale sign that he is simply not ready for a monogamous relationship. One of the biggest mistakes women make is saying we forgive and continuing in a relationship yet, constantly bring it up. If you can't forgive or trust him, let the relationship go. Infidelity isn't aways a deal breaker but, it is a RED FLAG that your relationship is in big trouble. The question is can the relationship survive and is it worth saving? Join me tomorrow as we discuss, the "OTHER WOMAN" . Please feel free to comment or ask questions as this is a open forum.